I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still lookin' up

And when you're needin' your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

So easy is our life
What's mine is yours and yours mine
Hardly do we ever fight,
We'd rather be kind

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get dark
I'm healing this broken heart
I know I'm worth it

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
Lady you're worth it (and we're worth it)
No, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
Lady you're worth it (and we're worth it)
No, I won't give up

Jason Mraz - I won't give  up (Demo)

Life is not about being easy, and having everything happen just how you like or want it.

It's about fighting, creating your own way and finding yourself. You grow with every step you take, no matter which direction you choose. There's no right or wrong.

sabrina. x 

... the point is, i am ... wild. and free.
and you are not the one to tame me. no one is. no one ever will be. and if i feel like going, i will go. you are not the one to hold me back. no one ever will be. but, if i love you and you are worth it, i will always find a way back to you.
but if you fuck it up, well then, watch me go. and ... don't wait for me to come back babe.

WILD HEARTS CANT BE BROKEN.

fuck it i am young. je ne regrette rien! oh and by the way, all good things are wild & free.

yes, it was totally worth it.

there's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

How can it be possible that i completely lost myself along the way ?
[...]














If you knew me once, or still know me, please tell me, who am i ? Cause i don't know anymore.

another heart calls

O.


you are not worth it. not one of my words. not one of my thoughts.


S.

Ghost in the machine

tell me where am i supposed to go? tell me who am i supposed to believe? 

if only u knew what i know, then u could see just what i see

so i grab my bags and go, as far away as i can go

cos everything ain't what i used to know

and i try to hide but i just can't hide no more

there's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost!

you are back?...
|...|
words which seemd to be so unreal just when i arrived, but now, more and more, i actually get here. 
finally, i guess...
I am glad to be back, i missed my friends, my family, i think i even missed school (that changed again tho!) haha. but of course life wouldnt be life if there wasn't a dark side. and sometimes it feels like i'm suffocating. 


while i was packing my stuff on saturday evening, i didnt actually realize that i was gna leave the next day. ppl around me were crying, yes, but i didnt, i couldnt, i didnt understand. but i did, when the plane departed from waikenae airport on sunday. the picture of my family- Sara, Laura, Stefania & Natelie- standing there, grabbing the fence, crying like there 'd be no tomorrow, broke my heart. I've never felt this before, and it was awful. it was that bad, that i couldnt eat nomore for over one day, actually i kinda lost the ability of doing anything at all. i was sitting in the plane, crying, i felt empty. I couldnt even read their letters they wrote to say 'goodbye'. (i still havent read all of them yet, it hurts too much, i have read parts of each, but i've never managed to read the whole ones... i will though!)
it got less awful as soon as i saw my mom, for the first time after 9 awfully-long months...finally, finally she could put her arms around me again, and i felt safe again.
i wouldn't know what to do without my parents. i love you mom & dad. the same with Carmen. i was lost without her. |laughs| she's my all, my one & only.

& now, weeks later? 
|...|
life changed, i guess. well i kinda got my old life back you know, haha, my friends are still the same here, (well not quite actually)..but they r awesome, lovely & caring, beautiful & anyways, they r my friends, that explains it at all ae? ;) haha. <3 i love you guys, every one of you!
|thinks| Miette is missing though. it feels wrong/weird to be here without her, she got such a huge part of my life during this one school year before my exchange, so that it is hard now, to settle back in, while she is still abroad, but actually i know, she's always really close to me, no matter what. i can't wait to see her again. |smiles|
and school? school is just school, it sucks, we all know that, but we still do it ae. haha, 'auge zue& dure'. 
yea, struggeling but trying really hard, haha, it will be allgoods eventually! (: and sometimes |laughs| school even has its good sides...!
i think that i will start to dance agian, ballet, maybe burlesque...but definitely ballet. i feel uncomplete without my points and the feeling of being free, while dancing. haha.
what else do you want me to tell you?


well, what about this special friend? |smiles|
maybe if i'd still be in new zealand he would still be writing... I don't know.


Oh, I see... |...|
would you say that this year has changed you?
Yes! it changed me, my way of thinking, my way of seeing things, my way of understanding, it changed everything. it changed |...| my life.

what do you miss the most about New Zealand?
my girls, definitely! 
and the nature... New Zealand is such an amazingly beautiful country. and i guess i also miss all the crazy stuff i did there, like bungy jumping & swimming with dolphins.


& if you could turn back the time, and go back to the point where you made the decision of leaving,
what would you do?
exactly the same! i know i did the right thing. yes it was hard, and awful at times, sure still is, but deep inside i know it was right. i would do it again. |smiles|

' I would do exactly the same again'

the last question; are you happy?
|laughs| haha, always! ...
even with tears in my eyes. |looks down, tear running down her cheek|


Thank you Sabrina
Anytime.


... (:

xoxo

i was enchanted to meet you

these are the words i have back cause i was leaving too soon; I was enchanted to meet you!

Oh wow, where to start? ...

On the 28th of July 2011 I arrived in New Zealand, Levin, with 4 other girls. Laura from Germany, Natelie from Denmark, Sara from Finland and Stefania from Italy. Of course we didn't know each other at all, but soon enough we figured; we are totally different from each other! All of us alone, confused and a bit (*hmm*) lost in Levin we end up as one friend group. 

Now you guys count to the most important people of my life!

I'm writing this bcos I know at the airport I won't be able to tell you all the things that I wanted to tell you. I think this entry is gonna make me cry...

... | deleted |


I tried to write a text for everyone of you guys but fuck that i just can't!
I don't manage to put all my feelings for you in words, no matter which words i use, they sound wrong, not meaningful enough, its not working. I am sorry.
fuck, nearly 8 months...and you mean the world to me. 
| crying |


fuck
I don't know what to say. 
I guess I've just lost another four parts of my heart.


...
| speechless |

ever imagined a heart wild, open and free?

I broke out, in the middle of the night, I took my shoes and I left, I ran down the drive. Then I was dancing in the moonlight, barefoot in the soft grass, in the middle of the night, and I was happy again. I broke out, I was free.


And I finally understood myself. I need to be wild and free. I can't live between, walls and fences. I can't be happy behind a closed door. Don't get me wrong, but I'm not in New Zealand because I like Kiwis so much, I'm here because I ran away. And I'm gonna do it again, and again and again. I have to be free.


I ran away from you, yes, but I love you, I love you so much and I'm always gonna come back to you, wherever the wind blows my little heart, and wherever the waves carry my soul to, I'm gonna come back.


I will probably break out again, and you should let me go, trust me.


I have a heart wild open and free.


Wow, I think I'm starting to get to know who I am and what I want.


xoxo
sabrina? ruby? 
haha

(and I miss you.)