I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter...

In the End - Linkin Park

I... I don't really know how I feel and if I do, then I don't really know how to explain it. Now i could write this huge text, trying to explain you what's wrong, and trying to kinda describe my feelings but instead I will just lead you to one of the most important things in my life. It can make me smile in just one second, and sometimes it makes me cry in another one. It brings me up and it brings me down. Music makes my world go round. 

And where words fail, music speaks... 

Ass back home (feat. Neon Hitch) - Gym Class Heroes

Closer to the Edge - 30 Seconds to Mars

God Damn You're Beautiful - Cheester See

Restless Heart Syndrome - Green Day

21 Guns - Green Day

Give Me Novacaine - Green Day

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

In too Deep - Sum 41

Walking Disaster . Sum 41

With Me - Sum 41

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

How to Save A Life - The Fray

Love Remains the Same - Gavin Rossdale

In the End - Linkin Park

Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park

Let it Be - The Beatles

Down To Earth - Justin Bieber

Fly - Nicki Minaj & Rihanna

Breathe - Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

...and probably there are heaps of other songs that would explain it and I just can't think of them right now, because I can't think no more, because I don't know what to think. Gefuehlschaos. Yes, sadly there's no english translation for that. 

Ah, I don't even know why I'm writing this blog entry, what does it matter.

Oh well.

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end...!"

Two Zero One Two, 2012

U know what they say; life ain't always easy. And everyday were survivors, so forget the day

It's all about tonight. Act a fool! And start a riot a-riot. BE A REBEL!

Gonna live like its the end of the world

YAY, finally, it's 2012. I'm COMING HOME BABE! xo

2012 (ft Nicki Minaj) - Jay Sean

...but first I'll THROW IT AWAY FORGET YESTERDAY AND MAKE THE GREAT ESCAPE to Auckland.

and I will live YOUNG AND WILD AND FREE! SO WHAT WE GET DRUNK, SO WHAT WE SMOKE WEED, WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN AND WE DON'T CARE WHO SEES...

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

YOUNG, WILD & FREE (ft Bruno Mars) - Wiz Khalifa & Snoop Dogg 

i know u love me

xoxo

'cause girl you're amazing just the way you are...

Here we go again ae... "So this is xmas, and what have you done, another year over, a new one just begun..." I wanted to make a 'merry christmas- blog entry" but in the end i kinda didnt feel like doing it. It wasn't christmas. More just another few days of summer in NZ... Well, we had this 'dutch-christmas breakfast' in the night of the 24th and we went to the church before. And in the morning of the 25th we all got our presents but after all, it didnt really feel like christmas. Something was missing. Snow, cold weather, sushi, The Beatles and most of all Mum and Dad. Family and friends...
On the 25th we went tramping. (Yes, tramping. Getting lost in the New Zealand bush ._.) After a 3 hour walk, (ending up covered in mud ._.) we came to a nice place close to the river, where we stayed the night. The walk was nice, the place was nice, everything was quite alright, except the night. I didn't sleep at all. It was freezing and I heard every really every noise around me. I was scared as and as soon as i closed my eyes i could see and opossum staring at me... Haha, poor Aly who had to sleep with me under the tent-thingy... And of course in the morning Frits tried to scare us with a piece of wood and weird noises but it didnt work at all, haha... ^-^  After a cup of tea and some breakfast we went back and Aly and me did the whole way in one and a half hour. Yes, we couldn't wait to get home. (I couldn't wait to get to the shower <3 haha) Ehm. Yes and then christmas was pretty much over.


On the 27th was Frits 's birthday, nothing really special happened. We had a party in the evening, heapz of (old) people, haha. I was inside with Aly and Ian watching TV. (Gosh, my life is so uninteresting ae. ._.) Uhm, yesterday I went hay bailing! That was quite fun actually, really heavy tho >-< (in case u don't know what it is; There's a tractor who picks up the hay and makes bales out of it and we have to gather them and then comes a truck and we put the hay bales on there. That's pretty much it. Yesterday we did 4 paddocks.) And after the hay baling, the people where we did it have a bbq for everyone who came to help. It was nice. Eventhough i was kinda bored, bcos people were talking about milking, sheep shearing and horses... Oh well.


Yes, now it's already the 29th of December. Time goes fast. 
On the 5th of January I go up to Auckland together with Stef for 10 days...(YAAAY!) Hope that's gonna be awesome. (: 




Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
One year ago, we were on our way back from Paris and I was listening to this song the whole way back. This morning it woke me up. Haha, what a coincidence. :DD


& whenever you smile, I smile.


Guet Nacht, wie au immer.
Ich liebe eu alli. (und ich weiss ihr liebed mich au)


xoxo
saaaaab 

Wake me up when september ends...

So, here I am. Bedroom in the shed, 201 Hokio Sand Rd, somewhere close to Levin, Manawatu, New Zealand. Its 11:14 pm. Tears running down the red cheeks. Lost.
Today we celebrated Natelie's Birthday, which actually is on the 26th but since she's in Wellington at this time & we are all busy as well, we decided to 'precelebrate' it. In a really nice restaurant in Levin (Cobb & Co). It was actually really nice! Everyone dressed up, I could wear my new high heels, the food was really good (no NZ-toast!!!)  & we laughed heaps... Then we started talking bout this year, Levin, our host families. I found out that Levin is one of the most dangerous citys in New Zealand with a lot of crimes, and a few days ago there was a man shooting around in the night. Mhm. Exciting levin... Then suddenly there were these really really cute guys in the restaurant and the actually invited us for a few drinks and...guess what? Yes, Sabrina had to go back 'home', Frits was waiting outside. Now it's 11 o'clock on a saturday and what am I doing? right going to bed, to get up at 7 tomorrow, why? right to do dishes, washing, sweeping floors...&&&


This year was supposed to be the best year of my life. But it's not, obviously not. How should it be? I mean I'm in LEVIN! You can't do anything here and even worse; I don't even live in the city, I live on a farm, somewhere. When the other girls meet in town, I'm often not there bcos I can't get a ride, I'm even afraid to ask for a ride, bcos everyone here seems so pi**ed off when I ask (they always have to work on their house of course! stupid me.) Anyways, I don't really think they care. 2 days ago I think, I was crying outside in the rain, bcos I got so homesick...they just continued eating. Did someone ask me what's wrong? NO. They just didn't talk to me at all. 
I'm wasting one of the best years of my life. I'm 'efin' folding washing, sweeping the floors, doing dishes, just cleaning the mess of other people, bcos they are not able to tidy up behind themselves. YES I'M FUCKING DISAPPOINTED OF THIS WHOLE YEAR. What is this? What am I doing? What am I learning? I don't get the point of 3 months summer holidays, there's nothing to do here anyways. I mean yes, I could go milking, horse riding, shearing sheep...seriously?
Let's be honest. I don't belong here at all. Especially not to the farm. Grown up as a 'city girl' I'm not at all used to 'this'. I tried, I really did, but it's kinda hard if everyone here always makes you realize that you are out of place... 


I kinda lost the reason of being here, the reason of coming here, I even lost myself. I changed so much, but I'm not really sure if in a good way, bcos I don't like my 'new-myself'. Not at all. Ugly & fat in New Zealand, that's how i feel. Trying to see things positive is really hard at the moment. 

Ich will doch nur chönne säge es het sich glohnt...

I guess this is it.


...

Kennsch mi no oder liebsch mi scho...?!

Ich blibe so, blibe so wenn i bi, ich liebe so, liebe so, so wie 's etzt isch. 

Ganz egal öb's der gfallt oder ned!

Ja, das isch min erschte Blogihtrag uf Schwizerdütsch. Ehm dusse rägnets, mini Familie isch grad anderscht nervig und denn hets öppe 100 kiwis wo mi fröge wie mer Neuseeland gfallt... Ehm.

D' Schwiz isch eigentlich ganz okay ae. & schwizerdütsch isch ja eigich au nöd so lame wien'i immer denkt han *ich vermiss'es verdammt fescht* Jaja, gueti, alti, neutrali Schwiz, au wenn'd mi no so fescht ufregsch mängisch, i vermisse di! Uere fescht.

Pardon me for the language, but it had to be.

ICH BIN EN SPINNER, EN TRÄUMER FÜR IMMER!

Ich bin en sture Esel, en chaot uf zwei bei ;)

'kay, back to english now...

I got the magic in me...

Haha, I'm not saying much this time, just; LiFE IS AWESOME! & with a smile that could light up a whole town it's even better... ;)

*pictures are coming!*

<3

Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase...

Scott. Alex. Sabrina. Oscar. Ian. - 4/12/11 All waiting for Sinterklaas.


Yes. It's 'Christmas - Time' and with the December the summer has finally arrived in New Zealand.
We have about 22 to 27 degrees at the moment and it's hot! Seriously hot. Enjoying the sun outside I already had my first sunburn (and with that 4 evil smiling boys trying to slap it all the time!)... Oh well. I'm getting nice and brown now tho.
I'm enjoying my holidays! Reading a lot, 'eclipse' at the moment. And I went to Wellington to a hairdresser's, which i  first was kinda worried about but in the end it looked really pretty so allgoods. I got an earpiercing, (yay!) and after 3 days it doesn't even hurt that bad anymore, still can't sleep on it tho. >-<

It's never boring here, especially not with 4 boys in the house. Fighting with Ian. Tickling Oscar. Talking about music and girls with Aly and looking after Scotty...and of course being annoyed with all of them sometimes. Haha, and then we eat alltogether on the tramp. What a lovely family. (xD)

 Yesterday evening, 4th of December, everyone put one shoe infront of the fire since Sinterklaas, the Dutch 'Samichlaus' was about to arrive and as I got up this morning I found chocolate and a huge biscuit in my shoe! Wuhu v^__^v

The atmosphere is really special!
Outside it's 27 degrees and then you hear christmas songs everywhere you go. Haha.
Well yes, life here is still totally different, everything still kinda new every morning. Sometimes I miss home more and sometimes i miss it less and then I remind myself that we are already in the last month of the year  and soon we can move into the bedrooms in the new house and then the big party on New Year's Eve and in January I go to Auckland with Stef and and and... there are still so many things I want to do and only 7 months left.

(:
Now here I sit with a smile in my face and I can hear Oscar coming upstairs *Oh no >-< xD*
Well, Merry Christmas! Hahaha, that sounds so weird, wearing shorts and hearing birds singing.
I miss you guys. Take Care and enjoy the snow for me, I will enjoy the sun for you ;D haha.

xxxx

Ian. Oscar. Sabrina. Alex. Scotty. Lia&Frits. - 5/12/11 Morning. "yay! Sinterklaas was here!"