Dienstag, 3. Juli 2012

Third of July

It's over, actually & finally over. Nearly one year ago (26th of July) I left for New Zealand and today I was supposed to come back. I can't believe that it's over. New Zealand. Aotearoa. Land of the long white cloud.


I'm not sure if you can call it the best year of my life, but it was so(!) worth it, every second was so worth being there. I met the most awesome, beautiful and amazing people and my family grew.
Of course there were a lot of tears and I wanted to go home sometimes, like so bad but I appreciate every moment I had there. 


New Zealand is a part of me, now and forever.
I think thats all i need or want to say right now.


Thanks to everyone who supported me, yes, i have fuken awesome friends & family! Thanks guys!




and now? well, i'm just living in the moment, living my life, easy and breezy, with peace in my mind, peace in my heart and peace in my soul. Wherever i'm going, i'm already home...


take care everyone, i adore ya.
xxxxxx


wild&free forever.

Sonntag, 10. Juni 2012

I won't give up


When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still lookin' up

And when you're needin' your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

So easy is our life
What's mine is yours and yours mine
Hardly do we ever fight,
We'd rather be kind

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get dark
I'm healing this broken heart
I know I'm worth it

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
Lady you're worth it (and we're worth it)
No, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
Lady you're worth it (and we're worth it)
No, I won't give up



Jason Mraz - I won't give  up (Demo)
Life is not about being easy, and having everything happen just how you like or want it.
It's about fighting, creating your own way and finding yourself. You grow with every step you take, no matter which direction you choose. There's no right or wrong.
sabrina. x 

Freitag, 1. Juni 2012

... the point is, i am ... wild. and free.
and you are not the one to tame me. no one is. no one ever will be. and if i feel like going, i will go. you are not the one to hold me back. no one ever will be. but, if i love you and you are worth it, i will always find a way back to you.
but if you fuck it up, well then, watch me go. and ... don't wait for me to come back babe.


WILD HEARTS CANT BE BROKEN.





fuck it i am young. je ne regrette rien! oh and by the way, all good things are wild & free.





yes, it was totally worth it.


Freitag, 18. Mai 2012

there's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

How can it be possible that i completely lost myself along the way ?
[...]














If you knew me once, or still know me, please tell me, who am i ? Cause i don't know anymore.

Mittwoch, 25. April 2012

another heart calls

O.


you are not worth it. not one of my words. not one of my thoughts.


S.

Donnerstag, 19. April 2012

Ghost in the machine

tell me where am i supposed to go? tell me who am i supposed to believe? 
if only u knew what i know, then u could see just what i see
so i grab my bags and go, as far away as i can go
cos everything ain't what i used to know
and i try to hide but i just can't hide no more
there's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost!

you are back?...
|...|
words which seemd to be so unreal just when i arrived, but now, more and more, i actually get here. 
finally, i guess...
I am glad to be back, i missed my friends, my family, i think i even missed school (that changed again tho!) haha. but of course life wouldnt be life if there wasn't a dark side. and sometimes it feels like i'm suffocating. 


while i was packing my stuff on saturday evening, i didnt actually realize that i was gna leave the next day. ppl around me were crying, yes, but i didnt, i couldnt, i didnt understand. but i did, when the plane departed from waikenae airport on sunday. the picture of my family- Sara, Laura, Stefania & Natelie- standing there, grabbing the fence, crying like there 'd be no tomorrow, broke my heart. I've never felt this before, and it was awful. it was that bad, that i couldnt eat nomore for over one day, actually i kinda lost the ability of doing anything at all. i was sitting in the plane, crying, i felt empty. I couldnt even read their letters they wrote to say 'goodbye'. (i still havent read all of them yet, it hurts too much, i have read parts of each, but i've never managed to read the whole ones... i will though!)
it got less awful as soon as i saw my mom, for the first time after 9 awfully-long months...finally, finally she could put her arms around me again, and i felt safe again.
i wouldn't know what to do without my parents. i love you mom & dad. the same with Carmen. i was lost without her. |laughs| she's my all, my one & only.

& now, weeks later? 
|...|
life changed, i guess. well i kinda got my old life back you know, haha, my friends are still the same here, (well not quite actually)..but they r awesome, lovely & caring, beautiful & anyways, they r my friends, that explains it at all ae? ;) haha. <3 i love you guys, every one of you!
|thinks| Miette is missing though. it feels wrong/weird to be here without her, she got such a huge part of my life during this one school year before my exchange, so that it is hard now, to settle back in, while she is still abroad, but actually i know, she's always really close to me, no matter what. i can't wait to see her again. |smiles|
and school? school is just school, it sucks, we all know that, but we still do it ae. haha, 'auge zue& dure'. 
yea, struggeling but trying really hard, haha, it will be allgoods eventually! (: and sometimes |laughs| school even has its good sides...!
i think that i will start to dance agian, ballet, maybe burlesque...but definitely ballet. i feel uncomplete without my points and the feeling of being free, while dancing. haha.
what else do you want me to tell you?


well, what about this special friend? |smiles|
maybe if i'd still be in new zealand he would still be writing... I don't know.


Oh, I see... |...|
would you say that this year has changed you?
Yes! it changed me, my way of thinking, my way of seeing things, my way of understanding, it changed everything. it changed |...| my life.

what do you miss the most about New Zealand?
my girls, definitely! 
and the nature... New Zealand is such an amazingly beautiful country. and i guess i also miss all the crazy stuff i did there, like bungy jumping & swimming with dolphins.


& if you could turn back the time, and go back to the point where you made the decision of leaving,
what would you do?
exactly the same! i know i did the right thing. yes it was hard, and awful at times, sure still is, but deep inside i know it was right. i would do it again. |smiles|



' I would do exactly the same again'

the last question; are you happy?
|laughs| haha, always! ...
even with tears in my eyes. |looks down, tear running down her cheek|


Thank you Sabrina
Anytime.


... (:


xoxo

Freitag, 16. März 2012

i was enchanted to meet you

these are the words i have back cause i was leaving too soon; I was enchanted to meet you!

Oh wow, where to start? ...
On the 28th of July 2011 I arrived in New Zealand, Levin, with 4 other girls. Laura from Germany, Natelie from Denmark, Sara from Finland and Stefania from Italy. Of course we didn't know each other at all, but soon enough we figured; we are totally different from each other! All of us alone, confused and a bit (*hmm*) lost in Levin we end up as one friend group. 
Now you guys count to the most important people of my life!
I'm writing this bcos I know at the airport I won't be able to tell you all the things that I wanted to tell you. I think this entry is gonna make me cry...


... | deleted |


I tried to write a text for everyone of you guys but fuck that i just can't!
I don't manage to put all my feelings for you in words, no matter which words i use, they sound wrong, not meaningful enough, its not working. I am sorry.
fuck, nearly 8 months...and you mean the world to me. 
| crying |


fuck
I don't know what to say. 
I guess I've just lost another four parts of my heart.


...
| speechless |


Mittwoch, 7. März 2012

ever imagined a heart wild, open and free?

I broke out, in the middle of the night, I took my shoes and I left, I ran down the drive. Then I was dancing in the moonlight, barefoot in the soft grass, in the middle of the night, and I was happy again. I broke out, I was free.


And I finally understood myself. I need to be wild and free. I can't live between, walls and fences. I can't be happy behind a closed door. Don't get me wrong, but I'm not in New Zealand because I like Kiwis so much, I'm here because I ran away. And I'm gonna do it again, and again and again. I have to be free.


I ran away from you, yes, but I love you, I love you so much and I'm always gonna come back to you, wherever the wind blows my little heart, and wherever the waves carry my soul to, I'm gonna come back.


I will probably break out again, and you should let me go, trust me.


I have a heart wild open and free.


Wow, I think I'm starting to get to know who I am and what I want.


xoxo
sabrina? ruby? 
haha


(and I miss you.)

Sonntag, 26. Februar 2012

Montag, 13. Februar 2012

Summer has come and passed

the innocent can never last
wake me up when June ends






















































... (:

Samstag, 11. Februar 2012

We all fall down...

...like toy soldiers
step by step
heart by heart
left right left

We All Fall Down Like Toy Soldiers

Dienstag, 31. Januar 2012

another cinderella story

Once upon a time
Far far far (really far, practically the end of the world) away there was a girl called Sabrina
She lived in a big household together with her host parents and her 4 brothers 
Every day she had to do the dishes, hang washing outside, bring washing inside, fold washing, sweep Floors, vacuumclean the mat, cook and bake, lay the table and so on...
When her host parents went out, she had to stay home and keep everything nice and tidy, 
While her brothers didnt really support that, 
In fact they did everything to make a big, big mess and made fun of her all the time
When she was sitting outside on the stairs tears running down her cold cheeks, only the dogs 
Oliver and Sunny were there
Then, a few days after the new year has begun, she was invited to a party
With the permission of her host parents she went 
And she met someone, someone she really liked or she was just curious (?...)
Time went fast and Sabrina and her two friends had to leave,
And as she was laying in her bed an hour later she couldn't stop thinking of him
And he didn't stop texting
Heartbeat after heartbeat, she was thinking, fighting herself...
And finally she won. 
Sabrina broke free, she runaway, sneaked out in the middle of the hot summer night
To go and see him
But as the odds weren't in the favour of the two lost ones, somebody found out
And the next day everybody knew
He left without a word
She had to listen to all the endless, painful speeches, 
And now still has to go through the torture of so called 'jokes'
They will never see each other again, still it was worth the one night of freedom
But now the grey atmosphere is back
and Sabrina is lost, alone

The End


STOP! Didn't Cinderella have a "and they lived happily ever after!" at the end?
Where about mine?



True Story. Real life Cinderella.
I always wanted to be a princess, never realized how hard it can be though...

Sabrina





Samstag, 28. Januar 2012

... 6 months ae

Yep, yep, believe it or not, i'm over halfway through. (i cant believe it, haha)


Got the mail with the information bout my flight back home and, well, what should i say? It feels weird, like i just came here and soon as I have to go again, atm I don't really feel like going, or yes i do, no actually i don't know, I'm confused (*surprise surprise >.<*).


Well, i'll just leave it. I'm glad to go home, and I'm glad to still have five awesome! months to go! I'm glad I came and I'm glad I can go again. (; 





I love you, yep, you!

xoxo
(i know u love me too)

Sabrina.
queen princess sabrina ruby

PS: my birthday is like really really soon *____*

Freitag, 20. Januar 2012

I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter...

In the End - Linkin Park

I... I don't really know how I feel and if I do, then I don't really know how to explain it. Now i could write this huge text, trying to explain you what's wrong, and trying to kinda describe my feelings but instead I will just lead you to one of the most important things in my life. It can make me smile in just one second, and sometimes it makes me cry in another one. It brings me up and it brings me down. Music makes my world go round. 

And where words fail, music speaks... 

Ass back home (feat. Neon Hitch) - Gym Class Heroes

Closer to the Edge - 30 Seconds to Mars

God Damn You're Beautiful - Cheester See

Restless Heart Syndrome - Green Day
21 Guns - Green Day
Give Me Novacaine - Green Day
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

In too Deep - Sum 41
Walking Disaster . Sum 41
With Me - Sum 41

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

How to Save A Life - The Fray

Love Remains the Same - Gavin Rossdale

In the End - Linkin Park
Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park

Let it Be - The Beatles

Down To Earth - Justin Bieber

Fly - Nicki Minaj & Rihanna

Breathe - Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

...and probably there are heaps of other songs that would explain it and I just can't think of them right now, because I can't think no more, because I don't know what to think. Gefuehlschaos. Yes, sadly there's no english translation for that. 


Ah, I don't even know why I'm writing this blog entry, what does it matter.




Oh well.
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end...!"

Dienstag, 3. Januar 2012

Two Zero One Two, 2012

U know what they say; life ain't always easy. And everyday were survivors, so forget the day

It's all about tonight. Act a fool! And start a riot a-riot. BE A REBEL!

Gonna live like its the end of the world

YAY, finally, it's 2012. I'm COMING HOME BABE! xo



2012 (ft Nicki Minaj) - Jay Sean


...but first I'll THROW IT AWAY FORGET YESTERDAY AND MAKE THE GREAT ESCAPE to Auckland.

and I will live YOUNG AND WILD AND FREE! SO WHAT WE GET DRUNK, SO WHAT WE SMOKE WEED, WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN AND WE DON'T CARE WHO SEES...

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls
YOUNG, WILD & FREE (ft Bruno Mars) - Wiz Khalifa & Snoop Dogg 


i know u love me
xoxo

Mittwoch, 28. Dezember 2011

'cause girl you're amazing just the way you are...

Here we go again ae... "So this is xmas, and what have you done, another year over, a new one just begun..." I wanted to make a 'merry christmas- blog entry" but in the end i kinda didnt feel like doing it. It wasn't christmas. More just another few days of summer in NZ... Well, we had this 'dutch-christmas breakfast' in the night of the 24th and we went to the church before. And in the morning of the 25th we all got our presents but after all, it didnt really feel like christmas. Something was missing. Snow, cold weather, sushi, The Beatles and most of all Mum and Dad. Family and friends...
On the 25th we went tramping. (Yes, tramping. Getting lost in the New Zealand bush ._.) After a 3 hour walk, (ending up covered in mud ._.) we came to a nice place close to the river, where we stayed the night. The walk was nice, the place was nice, everything was quite alright, except the night. I didn't sleep at all. It was freezing and I heard every really every noise around me. I was scared as and as soon as i closed my eyes i could see and opossum staring at me... Haha, poor Aly who had to sleep with me under the tent-thingy... And of course in the morning Frits tried to scare us with a piece of wood and weird noises but it didnt work at all, haha... ^-^  After a cup of tea and some breakfast we went back and Aly and me did the whole way in one and a half hour. Yes, we couldn't wait to get home. (I couldn't wait to get to the shower <3 haha) Ehm. Yes and then christmas was pretty much over.


On the 27th was Frits 's birthday, nothing really special happened. We had a party in the evening, heapz of (old) people, haha. I was inside with Aly and Ian watching TV. (Gosh, my life is so uninteresting ae. ._.) Uhm, yesterday I went hay bailing! That was quite fun actually, really heavy tho >-< (in case u don't know what it is; There's a tractor who picks up the hay and makes bales out of it and we have to gather them and then comes a truck and we put the hay bales on there. That's pretty much it. Yesterday we did 4 paddocks.) And after the hay baling, the people where we did it have a bbq for everyone who came to help. It was nice. Eventhough i was kinda bored, bcos people were talking about milking, sheep shearing and horses... Oh well.


Yes, now it's already the 29th of December. Time goes fast. 
On the 5th of January I go up to Auckland together with Stef for 10 days...(YAAAY!) Hope that's gonna be awesome. (: 




Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
One year ago, we were on our way back from Paris and I was listening to this song the whole way back. This morning it woke me up. Haha, what a coincidence. :DD


& whenever you smile, I smile.


Guet Nacht, wie au immer.
Ich liebe eu alli. (und ich weiss ihr liebed mich au)


xoxo
saaaaab